MENOPAUSE…NO WAY
The first time it hit me that I had reached midlife, was at the doctor’s office. I was scheduled for my annual checkup. On a big TV screen in the waiting room, I could see and, more than anything, hear Donald Trump holding his midterm election speech. His undisputable persona and loud, bragging voice were slowly getting to me, as I waited for my appointment. By the time I entered the examination room, and my doctor asked me how I was doing, I instantly burst into tears. When I started blaming Trump for my misery, she gave me a slight nod but said: “I think there is something else going on with you besides the politics of the world”.
The doctor asked about my periods. I confirmed they had been absent for at least a year but added, “But I am not even 50. It can’t be!” A test of my hormone levels would either confirm that I was in menopause or not. However, I already knew the answer. Frequent mood swings and a tiny thermostat inside my body, randomly turning up the heat. Yes, I knew!
soon to be empty nesters
Already struggling with the fact that my son was heading off to college soon and my husband and I inevitably would be empty nesters in a few years. Now I had to deal with the physical aspects of midlife on top of that. Empty nesters and midlife; so much loneliness, loss, and defeat framed in a few words. I felt an urge to explain to my doctor that I had all the reason in the world to feel sad.
I told her about my wonderful life. A life with my husband and two kids, that would all be over soon. She looked up from her position at my rear end and said: “But you will find a new wonderful and it might even be just as good as what you have now.” I found that very hard to believe at the time, but her words resonated with me in the following years. It turned out she was right!
No way back
At my follow-up visit a few weeks later a nurse entered the examination room and said: “So, we are replacing your IUD today?!” By that time, I had (sort of) accepted that menopause was a reality and my childbearing abilities forever lost. I wouldn’t need a new IUD. Was I missing something? I felt mixed emotions. A little spark of hope maybe? As it turned out the nurse was mistaken and there was no need to replace the IUD. So, no way back and time to acknowledge this new reality.
Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?
– Rumi
an avalanche or a rumble?
The big question was what to expect next. Would midlife hit me with the destructive forces of nature like an avalanche slowly building up and then tumbling down the mountain leaving everything broken and bare? Or would it be like a faint rumbling in the distance that wouldn’t affect my life a whole lot? From years of skiing, I knew that you never try to outrun an avalanche. However, maybe there were ways of avoiding the avalanche altogether.
At first, I thought: “This is completely out of my control”. This might be very true for some of the many challenges midlife throws at you, but with each challenge, you have a choice. The first choice is to accept that changes are inevitable even though you like your life as it is. Then choose to focus on things that can have a positive impact on your life moving forward. This could be maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and implementing behaviors that nurture physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
Ways to avoid a midlife avalanche
Here is a list of what “avoiding a midlife avalanche” can include:
Regular exercise – Yes, exercise is on any list if you want to live a decent life, especially in midlife. If you don’t like running or high-intensity/HIIT training – be creative. Think of a more fun way to break a sweat and get your heartbeat up. I like to mix up my fitness routine with Zumba. I have enough self-awareness to know that I was born completely without any sense of rhythm. Nevertheless, it is so much fun and I am proud of myself every time I go.
Balanced nutrition – So, so, so many miracle diets out there! At least as many promises to how much weight you can lose in no time. I used to be a “My diet starts on Monday” kind of person. Somehow I managed to find an excuse for not starting the diet every single Monday. I struggled with my weight all my life. Well, at some point I decided just to ignore the fact that losing weight would be good for me.
Finally, in midlife, I stopped feeling guilty about it (more or less). I accepted that this is the way I was created (more or less), and started focusing more on an overall change in lifestyle, than on the extra pounds on my body. After all, midlife didn’t seem to be the right time to strive for the body I never had. My breaking point was learning about the anti-inflammatory diet. It is not a diet but a way of eating whole unprocessed foods with no added sugars. There are lots of inspiring anti-inflammatory cookbooks on the market if you want to check them out.
Sufficient sleep – Sleep plays a vital role in many aspects of our physical and mental health. When it comes to supporting our immune system, lowering the risk of chronic diseases (obesity, diabetes, heart disease), helping regulate the body’s metabolism, and improving concentration and decision-making abilities. We need sleep for the body to repair tissues, rejuvenate muscles, synthesize hormones, and overall recovery and growth. I know this and still, one of my worst bad habits is going to bed way too late.
Stress management – If only the world around us was less stressful…! Well, it’s not, and that I have reached midlife, I tend to be even worse at coping with stress. So how do we deal with it? Avoiding stressful situations altogether?! That would mean never driving a car again, avoiding reading the news, and grocery shopping just to mention a few.
Explore ways that work for you to reduce stress. Mindfulness and meditation, yoga (a personal favorite), classical music (who knows?), journaling, therapy, time management; and funny enough, exercise and sleep. Consider taking a break from social media and from reading/watching the news. There is so much going on out there, and your inability to solve any world problems, probably makes you more stressed than you think.
Nurture meaningful relationships – When navigating the transitions of midlife; – children leaving home, career changes, balancing uncertainties, and questions of identity and purpose; meaningful relationships provide a crucial source of support and stability. Nurturing your relationships during midlife can also bring a sense of fulfillment and purpose. Besides, it can reduce feelings of isolation or loneliness that may occur during this stage of life.
It’s important to note that this includes the relationship with your spouse. What used to be the most important relationship in your life may have been neglected quite a bit over the years. Ignored or forgotten for more important things such as making lunches, washing, and cleaning, kid’s soccer practice, kids homework, etc. If that relationship seems a little broken this is the time to fix it!
Explore new interests – Why not try something new? What is holding you back? Afraid that you won’t be any good at something new? Arent we all!? There are so many options for exploring new interests:
- Take up a creative hobby like painting, knitting, sewing, and learning a new instrument.
- Enroll in cooking or baking workshops. Or simply try out new recipes on your own. Remember, you don’t have to only cook whatever the kids like anymore!
- Join a local hiking or outdoor adventure group.
- Explore new languages through an online course, an in-person class, or maybe travel more.
- Volunteer for community projects or charities to help a good cause and meet new people.
- Take up gardening to reconnect with nature.
- Join a book club to discuss literature or a writing group to develop your writing skills.
- Start a blog or YouTube channel to share expertise or passions with other people.
- Get involved in local theater or improv groups to explore acting and storytelling.
Self-care – Self-compassion and personal boundaries = less stress, resilience, sense of emotional well-being, better at navigating the challenges of daily life = efficient communication and stronger relationships with other people.
Staying hydrated – Your body needs water, especially when you get older! Staying hydrated supports various body functions, including digestion, circulation, temperature regulation, and cognitive functions. Something so essential, and still I put it on my to-do list every day to remember to drink at least 2.5 liters/per day.
A balanced work / personal life – With the kids out of the house there will be more time for work, right!? However, focusing on a balanced work / personal life can help you sustain your energy and motivation, and avoid early burnout and stress. If your work isn’t as satisfying as it used to be, midlife can be a good time for self-reflection and personal growth.
Seek support when you need it – Do you tend to put your problems into a larger perspective? I mean, do you consider your problems way too insignificant compared to other people’s “real” problems? I know that I do! Many people have a hard time asking others, even their close friends, for support. We all need support at one point or the other. Often we all struggle with the same issues without even knowing it. Now might be a good time to open up and stop being embarrassed, feeling guilty, or weak about it.
This list ended up way longer than I expected. Does it seem overwhelming? Or, like a lot of opportunities to avoid that midlife avalanche? Your choice!
An added bonus
One thing is living a good and healthy lifestyle, another is how long we’ll live. Most of these lifestyle habits are mentioned in author Dan Buetther’s work about “Blue Zones” – Communities around the world with the highest concentration of healthy centenarians (people who are 100 or more years old). So, midlife seems like a good time to start implementing healthy behaviors.
If it sounds like a lot of hard work, – that’s because it is. No easy way around it! However, our way of handling our physical, mental, and emotional well-being can make a difference in the way we experience midlife – as an avalanche or just a slight rumble.