LEAVING ONE LIFE FOR ANOTHER
“You have to get out of your comfort zone”, my cousin said one more time. I realized she wasn’t speaking in general terms, but was referring to me. I had to get out of my comfort zone. “What was she talking about?” I had practically lived outside my comfort zone since we moved our family, across the Atlantic Ocean from Denmark to California a few years prior. We left family, friends, and a great life in Denmark behind when we moved to California. It was a mutual decision between Allan and I, something we had talked about for years. The kids didn’t want to move anywhere. However, they were 6 and 3 years old at the time and didn’t have a say in the matter.
Castles in the air
We sold our home and packed all our belongings into a big shipping container. Six years earlier, when we bought the house, it was a dream come true. An old classic house from 1918 that had required quite a lot of love and attention over the years. It had a garden with rugged and weathered apple trees. On one side, an additional structure that looked like it had once been a henhouse. We loved that house but by the time we decided to move to California, we were still in the process of renovating. As I was sorting through our stuff, I remember asking myself, “Why are we doing this? Why are we leaving everything that we love and care about behind, to pursue something that could very well turn out to be castles in the air for all we knew?”
Renovating our old house in Denmark
As life moves, we need to move with it, not against it. Transition happens weather we’re ready or not. Of course, it’s difficult to let go, to stretch, to accommodate, and to be in between here and there, yet – discomfort is inevitable whether you remain in a stagnant story that no longer serves or you decide to choose growth. So, choose growth.
crucial CAREER decision
On top of everything else, I had stepped away from a job I loved to accept a vacant position as a full-time stay-at-home mom in California. For many years my job had defined me as a person. I would soon come to understand how degraded I felt without that label. Being a full-time mom turned out to be the most challenging job I’ve ever had. I was as far out of my comfort zone, as I could possibly be.
What is a comfort zone?
What does comfort zone really mean? When I heard the term for the first time, many years ago, I practically went bungee jumping or skydiving in my mind. But is that what it means to “get out of your comfort zone?” Doing something extreme; something that completely exceeds your personal boundaries? – Well, mine anyway…! Why would anyone even consider getting out of their comfort zone? Sounds to me like a pretty nice place to be, “A position or situation where one feels safe, comfortable, in control and without stress”. Why even bother? Why not just stay in the comfort zone?
personal growth
Of course, I know why. The habits and routines we grow accustomed to over time will eventually become limiting for us to grow and evolve as human beings. We need to move beyond an environment we are comfortable and familiar with. This way we’ll keep developing and reaching our potential. I had been a stay-at-home mom for a couple of years at the time the conversation with my cousin took place. As much as I felt reluctant to her insinuation, I knew she was right. The thing about comfort zones is, that we quickly develop new ones. Often we don’t even realize that we have come to a standstill once again.
time for reassessment
Midlife wasn’t the first time I had reached a standstill. However, it was then I realized it was an opportunity for new reflections and for reassessing my priorities yet again. A significant learning moment where I could take my life experiences and invest them into myself. I had been so focused on making our family life a smooth ride and been ignoring how stuck I felt mainly in my professional life.
next chapter
If anyone, earlier on, had asked me how I wanted this next chapter in life to be, I wouldn’t have been able to answer. I felt nothing but an overwhelming emptiness about myself and what to expect. I had no sense of direction or fulfillment.
I knew that I was a good mother, a trustworthy friend, and most days even a decent partner to my husband, but I had neglected my own needs to make sure everyone else was doing good. To find out what I was capable of, what I could achieve, and maybe find my true potential I instinctively knew that I had to step out of my comfort zone again. Did I have to leave California and travel across the US to do that? No, but we all have to find our own path. I decided to make my internal journey a physical one as well; – and bring my husband along for the ride.
Read more about taking control of midlife
How to Avoid a Midlife Avalanche
How to Turn a Midlife Crisis into a Midlife Opportunity