RECLAIM A SENSE OF SELF
Midlife is so much more than aging, hot flashes, and empty nesting. It’s about reclaiming a sense of self. Think about how much of our lives have been shaped by the expectations of others. By letting go of the constant need for approval we can transform this stage of our lives with confidence and purpose. We can change our mindset to become the superpower of “I Don’t Care What Other People Think”.
My exploration of authenticity was deeply enhanced by my surroundings. Our travels had taken us across the US from California to the East Coast, Europe, Georgia, and now Cocoa Beach in Florida.
Perspective
Our apartment was right on the beach and at least once a day I walked along the ocean, sun on my face, wind in my hair, and specks of sand against my skin as cool water washed over my feet. The rhythmic sound of the waves made me feel calm. The salty sea breeze stimulated my senses and everyday worries seemed more manageable as the wide horizon brought a sense of perspective.
Walking along the beach
What to do with an Idea
I found myself reflecting on a children’s book I had seen several months earlier, at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Boston. The book, “What Do You Do with an Idea?” by Kobe Yamada, is a story about a young boy who comes across an idea. At first, the boy is unsure about what to do with the idea, pictured in the book as a little round creature with a golden crown. It seems too strange, and too different and he’s afraid of what other people might think. Trying to dismiss the idea only to find that it won’t leave him alone.
Despite the doubts and criticism from other people, the boy starts to nurture and care for this idea. The more he embraces the idea it starts to grow and eventually becomes a natural part of his life. Ultimately, his idea transforms into something magnificent that changes his entire world.
I do NOt want!
The story is a powerful message about the value of nurturing ideas and the importance of perseverance. I was reminded of an idea of my own that I kept pushing away. I wanted to write…something. Maybe a book, maybe a blog. And yes, it was a silly idea, and I had just crossed it over before even writing it down on paper. I couldn’t really admit to myself that I wanted to write let alone say it out loud. I knew that once it was out there in the Universe everyone would see what a failure I was if I didn’t make it happen.
However, as our travels continued from Boston to France the idea of writing…something, kept resurfacing. I didn’t understand it. Besides a little journaling, I never did much writing. I had always been very self-conscious about letting other people read what I wrote even if it was just a postcard. Besides I did NOT want to put myself out there.
You cannot have not
To highlight the issue of NOT wanting to put myself out there, I was reminded of another book, The Paper Mâché Rule (Papmaché Reglen) by Danish author Hella Joof. Hella writes that you cannot have “NOT” (as in “I do NOT want…”). “NOT” limits our ability to see and embrace possibilities. She argues that finding out what you want takes courage because as soon as you have opened up about what you want, you’re locked in, and you have to follow through. No turning back, which suddenly makes you vulnerable because what happens if you don’t get it?
Most people find it’s better to know what they don’t want so that avoiding getting it will be the measure of success. But as Hella states, this way you are never really happy because you do not get happy of “NOT”.
By NOT putting myself out there I could avoid failure and judgment from other people and most of all avoid facing my own weaknesses. But did I want that to be the measure of my success? So, as we moved forward and the idea of writing kept bugging me, I started doing some research on how to create a blog. After all that sounded easier than writing a book.
The beach by our apartment in Cocoa Beach
Transactional
However, I was surprised to learn that the most important thing about creating a blog is to make it transactional. Of course, there are many personal and informative blogs, but if I wanted it to be successful (meaning making some money, – which is always a nice thing), I should make content that focuses on converting readers into customers. In other words, include direct call to action, affiliate links, or product recommendations.
I wondered if no one cared about a good story anymore. It often seems like we only have patience for skimming and scanning. We read blog posts because we want to make things easier for ourselves or learn how to do something quickly like “How to lose weight without exercise”, “How to bake healthy cookies with only 2 ingredients”, or “10 ways to earn more by working less”, etc. I know because I’m just as guilty as everybody else.
A Growing Idea
Even with little or no attention, my idea kept growing. Maybe, sharing stories from our lives as digital nomads wasn’t such a bad idea. After all, our way of living was a little unusual for people +50. Maybe I could even inspire someone in midlife to do something they were hesitant to do. Not necessarily travel but something that would make midlife seem like an opportunity and not a crisis.
Would I be able to make money from this idea? Probably not, but I secretly started working on a strategy for a blog. By “secretly” I mean telling no one, not even Allan. In no imaginary world, it would make sense to Allan that I wanted to focus my life on something that had an even smaller earning potential than my job as a freelance graphic designer.
Self-doubt
I think the biggest issue throughout this process was dealing with a lot of self-doubt. I always had my insecurities nicely wrapped in numerous coping mechanisms so no one would ever notice (I think). Honestly, I didn’t think I would be able to pull something like this off. Who did I think I was? A writer (who obviously didn’t write)? A blogger? An influencer? Constantly reminding myself that I wasn’t 20 years old anymore and this was ridiculous.
Sunset at the Banana River behind our apartment
Roles
In more ways than I want to admit, this midlife journey kept pushing me to face myself. Who am I? Who are we really when we suddenly wake up and realize that we’ve spent the last two decades being everyone except ourselves?
By this stage, we’ve often accumulated multiple roles, responsibilities, and identities: Parent, spouse, employee, friend, soccer mom, and volunteer among others. Some of these roles might have overshadowed our sense of individuality, and when the “job description” for these roles suddenly changes without even asking, it can cause a feeling of being lost.
Identifying as?
So, the cultural conversation around “what people identify as”, is not just relevant for the younger generations. We need to question identity as something other than static in midlife as well. Our roles in society change during this time whether we want them to or not. If we can’t identify with a certain role anymore, if that role feels confining, or if there is constant pressure to live up to that role, maybe it’s time to let go of what no longer serves us.
Self-worth
Often, our self-worth is defined by our achievements, “what we thought we wanted” in life, and the idea that success looks a certain way. These things can create a conflict with who we truly are – our values, beliefs, strengths, and weaknesses. Pursuing a path that resonates with our identity on a deeper level requires honest reflection on what truly matters. It might also involve letting go of expectations from society and ourselves.
First Step
Somewhere along the way, I realized that if I kept nurturing this writing idea, I would eventually nurture my true self. And my true self wanted to have my voice heard. To follow this path I had to let go of what I thought other people expected of me. I knew I would be my own worst enemy along the way but I felt certain that, at some point, I would experience a change in mindset and hopefully one day get the superpower of “I Don’t Care what Other People Think”.
The idea is to live your life in a way that makes you feel lit up. Alive. Full fledged. Beautiful. Know and find what nourishes you inside out, bones to skin and then build your world from that alone. All else is not part of your revolution. Or your ultimate evolution. – Victoria Erickson
Changes
I was reminded of life’s unpredictability every day while we were in Florida. All it took was a look out the windows at the changing colors of the ocean. In the mornings the sea often appeared soft and tranquil with shades of pale blue. As the day progressed the colors deepened into rich hues of turquoise. On stormy days there would be a dramatic transformation with dark moody shades of charcoal. This effortless change in nature mirrored my journey as I reflected on who I wanted to become at this stage in life.
Changing nature – the view from our apartment
Choosing who we are
I had far from figured it all out when we left Florida, but I wanted to intertwine our travel experiences with the particular stage of life we were navigating – midlife. The idea was to extend beyond the physical symptoms of midlife, like hot flashes and aching joints, and focus on significant mental aspects as well as opportunities in midlife.
I wanted to challenge traditional midlife conventions and most of all, I wanted to challenge myself. Push against the current, and rather than passively accepting aging I wanted to embrace midlife with purpose and relevance. Choosing one’s identity can be overwhelming, but no matter the stage in life we are at, there is power in choosing who we are.
The transactional part
Even if you’re not shopping for a complete identity makeover, but just want to get inspired, this will get you started on your exploration:
- Explore New Interests: Take up a new hobby or revisit an old passion. Whether it’s painting, hiking, or cooking, exploring different interests can inspire and provide fresh perspectives.
- Explore Your Identity: Make a list of roles you identify with and reflect on how they’ve shaped you. Consider what new roles or identities you might want to explore in this phase of your life.
- Prioritize Self-Reflection: Set aside time each week for self-reflection. Ask yourself questions like, “What did I learn this week?” or “What fears did I face?” This practice can help clarify your thoughts and feelings.
- Embrace Your Ideas: Write down any ideas that come to you, no matter how silly they seem. Set aside a few minutes each day to reflect on them without judgment. This practice can help you uncover what truly resonates with you.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge that the creative process is often messy. Be kind to yourself through setbacks and remember that growth takes time.
- Set Realistic Goals: Define what success looks like for you. Create small, achievable goals related to your idea.
- Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs: Identify any negative self-talk that holds you back. Write these down and counter them with positive affirmations.
Read More
You can read more about our time in Florida or just look at the pictures in Discover the Magic of Cocoa Beach
If you’re interested in reading more about navigating midlife, check out the Midlife Journal
Want to know more about the places we have visited so far? Check out the Travel Journal, or Digital Nomad