Stop Trying to Control Everything and Watch the Magic Happen
A BUMP IN THE ROAD
Most people strive for constant control but sometimes letting go when unforeseen things happen, is the best option. Embracing uncertainty with an open mindset will take us where we need to be even if it’s not always in a straight line. “Stop Trying to Control Everything and Watch the Magic Happen” is about the first little road bump on our midlife journey.
What’s that noise?
Even before crossing the California borders, Allan was convinced he could hear a strange noise in the car engine. I know, it may sound like I thought it was only in his head, which is not entirely wrong. He had the car checked out at an auto repair shop in California, Colorado, and Chicago. Every time, they said the same thing; the car was fine. Finally, in Boston, he found a place where they confirmed he wasn’t going crazy. They recommended replacing the entire engine. Thank goodness the car was still under warranty.
Bingo!
We were at the end of the first +3000 miles, that had been planned out ahead. At this point, we decided to keep our journey going, and two additional months were planned out. We wanted to celebrate the holidays with our family in Denmark for all of December. Before leaving we had booked a week in Cape May, New Jersey for Thanksgiving, an 8-hour drive south of Boston. In January we would fulfill a long-standing dream of Allan’s, skiing in the French Alps for a month.
The auto shop couldn’t fix the car in time before we left Boston, and there was no guarantee that it would be done even if we stayed in the city for another week. The warranty on the car would expire if we didn’t get it fixed in Boston and the auto shop had limited space and couldn’t keep the car while we were in Europe. We were desperately working on a plan A, B, and C.
Cape May
A Modified Plan
First, we got a little stressed out about the whole situation. So many “What ifs” and “Hows” in this equation. Then we acknowledged the reality of the circumstances and accepted that it was out of our control. We focused our energy on the things that were within our control. By being flexible and open to different options we navigated the situation. As a couple, we don’t always agree on what it means to focus on the solution instead of dwelling on the problem. However, I think we handled this challenge pretty well and maintained perspective. At least most of the time. After all, we had been on the road for three months and this was our first real setback.
Things have a way of working out one way or another, if we let them, even if it isn’t exactly how we planned it in the first place. In the end, we were able to go with a slightly modified version of our original plan. The auto shop miraculously managed to finish our car one day after we were supposed to leave, so we simply extended our stay in Boston by 24 hours.
A Day in Cape Cod
From Boston, we headed southeast toward Cape Cod, a small, pointed, extension of land stretching 65 miles into the Atlantic Ocean. We spent the day chasing lighthouses at this popular vacation destination, renowned for its stunning beaches, charming seaside towns, and rich maritime history.
Read more about our day at Cape Cod, in “Discover the Hidden Gems of New England”.
Fun Fact I: Why are there so many capes on the East Coast but none in California? Although California has several similar geological features that could be considered capes, they are often referred to as points or headlands instead.
Fun Fact II: What is the difference between a cape and a peninsula? Both capes and peninsulas are landforms, connected to the mainland, that extend into bodies of water. However, capes are typically smaller and narrower than a peninsula.
Nauset Lighthouse at Cape Cod
Three Sisters Lighthouse and scenic drive at Cape Cod
With one day less than planned and the car packed with all our belongings, we decided to skip a visit to New York City. As we crossed the Hudson River we watched the mesmerizing dark silhouettes and the lit-up windows of the towering New York skyscrapers. Next time for sure!
Arriving in Cape May
We arrived in Cape May around 12.30 am on a Saturday before Thanksgiving. As we got closer to this little resort town at the southern tip of New Jersey, we realized something. We had rented a beach cottage right next to the ocean from one of Allan’s colleagues. An extensive manual to the place including pictures had been downloaded but we had no address! Allan tried desperately, without any luck, to get a hold of his colleague.
I’m not gonna lie, there was a bit of tension in the car as we drove around in the quiet night. Up and down each of the streets leading to the ocean, trying to find a cottage that matched the picture we had. We eventually found the house, and managed to stay married. It had been a stressful week but we had successfully survived the first real challenge of our trip (the car issues not the missing address!). The week that followed was absolute magic. I couldn’t help feeling like we had been rewarded somehow for how we handled the whole situation. Mind you, in our relationship smaller issues in the past had caused way more stress and tension.
Cape May – Walkway to the beach, Horse Shoe Crab, town, and beach view
Prehistoric Discovery?
Cape May was pretty secluded since it was out of season, and we had the wide sandy beaches to ourselves. On our first walk, we discovered a lot of strange, large, dome-shaped shells all over the beach. Some of them with a long, pointed tail. A closer look revealed five pairs of legs at the bottom of the shell, and we realized that this was some sort of deceased animal. Something prehistoric that we had never seen before.
Horseshoe crab and walkway to the beach
It turned out that Cape May is well known for its population of horseshoe crabs, and is one of the most important breeding grounds for this species. Who knew? Despite their maritime habitat, the horseshoe crabs resemble spiders and scorpions more than crabs. Huge spiders!! In fact, their shells average a length of 8 to 14 inches (20 to 35 cm) and total lengths of up to 24 inches (60 cm). I’m a little relieved that we didn’t visit during the breeding season. During a full moon in late spring, tens of thousands of horseshoe crabs make their way to the beaches to lay their eggs.
Historic Cape May
Because of Thanksgiving, we had a good amount of time to explore Cape May. During the daytime, we rode our bikes along the beach impressed by beautifully preserved and colorful Victorian homes. We climbed the 199 steps up the spiraling cast iron stairway to the top of the Cape May lighthouse and were rewarded with beautiful views of the Atlantic Ocean and Delaware Bay.
Victorian Houses in Cape May
We explored the boutique shops and restaurants lining the Washington Street Mall, a pedestrian-friendly area in town. Fudge seemed to be a popular treat, with candy stores making homemade fudge scattered throughout town. We visited several of the area’s harbors and marinas and had seafood at the Lobster House one night, a bustling and rustic harborfront restaurant and fish marked.
South Jersey Marina in Cape May
Eclectic Wildwood
One day we drove a little north of Cape May to another quite different resort town, Wildwood. We rode our bikes along the 2-mile-long boardwalk, lined with rides, arcades, shops, eateries, and, amusement piers. All the activities had been closed down for the winter. However, it was easy to see how this place could be a lively hub of activities during the summer.
Wildwood
Whereas Cape May is known for its historic Victorian architecture and quieter, more refined atmosphere, Wildwood has a far more carnival-like scene with an eclectic mix of retro architecture and diverse boardwalk attractions. It is packed with entertainment along the five-mile stretch of powdery-white sand, – in the summer that is.
Congress Hall
Peace is when time doesn’t matter as it passes by. – Maria Schell
Some afternoons we sat outside in the white wooden rocking chairs at the historic Congress Hall Hotel. We sipped hot apple cider in the chill autumn breeze and watched the sky transition through shades of pink, purple, and orange. As the sky gradually darkened and a soft fading glow draped the ocean we walked down to the beach and watched the dolphins play along the coast. We may sound like an old retired couple but if that meant living life at a slower pace, maybe getting old isn’t so bad after all.
Cape May sunset
different travel destinations
Read more about the different travel destinations on our midlife journey in the Travel Journal.
Navigating Midlife
Read more about my perspective on navigating midlife in the Midlife Journal.